Associated Press Release
Las Vegas, NV
Effective immediately, all cars and trucks in the following region "Left Coast" "West of the Mississippi" "West Coast" and other terms (official and unofficial) are prohibited from traveling to the "Mid West" "East Coast" "Right Coast" and other terms (unofficial and official)
Alan Smithee, a local resident has plenty to say about this problem, and is the one purely responsible for this ruling. "I'm sick and tired of all the whining and crying from you <censored for print> right coasters. More like wrong coast amirite?" This reporter is unable to say if that was proceeded by a low tech drumroll, and frankly just wants the interview to get over and done with. As eyeballs rolled to the ceiling, he continues "It is patently unfair and a violation of my rights as a desert rat you come in, invade my sovereign borders just to get vehicles with intact rust free metal! You made the choice to live in a area with snow, and you can't come up with a better solution then with what I keep on my table to cover up my wifes poor cooking? This is not my problem!"
While he drones on, lets consult with another local resident who also has a ear full on this problem. He's unwilling to go on camera or record, and I don't care frankly. He also insisted only to be called "I.P Freely" so here we go, Mr freely
"I tell you, it's a right wing conspiracy. I tell you, my kid came to me last night, crying. Considering I give him a good thumping so he doesn't whine like a right coaster, this better be good... "Daddy? Daddy? What am I to do? I want to grow up and own a rust free car, but these right coasters keep bringing their trucks, their transports, even their airplanes and buying them all up! I want a rust free car like you have, and like your daddy had, and his daddy daddy had! It's not fair!"
"I kept whooping him, and he wouldn't stop wailing. as I laid into him one more time with a switch, it dawned on me... The little ******* is right! I'm scared to talk in quiet tones with my kids and their kids, that there used to be a time when we could go out and get rust free cars! <censored> you wrong coasters! You thieves! This is war!"
For more clarity on this matter and to meet my publishing obligation, I turned to a recently formed group from the east coast "Save our kids from rust" and spent hours listening with a half ear, doodling escape plans to the arctic. Please meet Mr 6.9PoweredScout
"It's not fair you west coasters get all the good stuff! I can't fault my parents for making me live here! It's your fault you west coasters! I have it on good authority you stole the sun and the sand from us doing the civil war! The East will rise again!"
Washington DC based think tanks got called many times to comment on this, and all that was left was cryptic "it's commerce. the problem is?" messages.
Stay tuned for part two, written from the blustery cold of the arctic. Do not call me publisher, I will contact you (if the satellite net works) This is crazy! God!
enjoy your clean sheetmetal. 
