You are spending a lot of time and $ on the starter when the real problem is now the ring gear. Since the starter has begun to grind, that means that four distinct spots on the ring gear are worn down. I had a relay setup like you describe, although my relay interrupted the positive battery cable an was mounted next to the battery. I used a simple push button under the dash to energize the solenoid and bendix. Once that was done, I just turned the key to start. The starter motor does not care where the pinion is when the motor is energized, it develops full torque instantly, anyway. The side benefit was that if you did not know about the two step starting process, you could not start the truck.
The ring gear is easy to remove and replace and you don't even have to buy another, although they may still be available ($60 in 2009). Just rotate the gear about 20-45 degrees before reinstalling and you will have new teeth to grind up.